Healing Pandemic Trauma with MDMA and Psilocybin

Letting Go of the Pandemic Years with Sacred Medicine

In the summer of 2023, after four years of holding it all together, I took a guided psychedelic journey to help release the pandemic blues and get "unstuck." Before the journey, my guide gave me some homework: to focus on my intention for the experience. However, truth be told, the journey began the moment I made the call, paid my deposit, and penciled in a date. My intention was the reason I reached out for help: I wanted to let go of the previous four years. I didn’t want traditional therapy. I didn’t want to talk about, think about, or drag my stuff into the next phase of my life. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to release the disappointments, the COVID anxiety, the inner chaos, the grief over endings, and the uncertainty of moving forward. Mostly, I wanted relief from my own inner intensity.

After deciding to take a guided journey, I had to face my natural nervousness about combining MDMA and psilocybin (a.k.a. hippie flipping). I had never done mushrooms and had only tried MDMA once—way back in the day, when it was still legal. I did my best to curb my fear of the unknown and refocused my attention on the reason I was doing this. I wanted to feel better. And sometimes, in order to feel better, you have to take a leap of faith.

The day of the journey, I felt so much anxiety in my body. When I arrived at the space, I took off my shoes and walked across a beautiful polished wood floor. I could literally see my footprints from the sweat and heat pouring off my body.

In the ceremony room, which looked like a traditional, non-descript therapist's office, I took a moment to orient to the space to find my inner safety. Once I sat down on the couch, I took some vitamins to support my brain and body. I picked up the MDMA, said a prayer, and ingested it. Then I picked up the dried mushroom and took just 0.25 grams instead of the full gram. I was exercising my agency and self-awareness—a little goes a long way in my system.

The mushroom had a distinct, chewy taste. I liked it and didn’t like it—if that makes sense. I jokingly mentioned that it would be great in a butter since it was so savory.

I lay down and tried to get comfortable. The "come up" of any plant medicine is super intense in my body. I tried all my somatic tools, but still became more anxious.

The MDMA hit quickly—it felt like a train racing through me. I laughed and said, "I am feeling the speed part of the MDMA." I kept trying to relax, but my body was restless.

About 45 minutes in, I suddenly popped up and announced I needed to vomit. My guide remained calm and handed me a nice office trash can. What followed was one of the best vomits of my life—and I say that as someone who's had glorious purges with ayahuasca. This was different. It felt like my whole being was coming out of my stomach. I was okay, just a little embarrassed as my guide smudged the room with palo santo to clear the stench. I sipped water and lay back down.

Once I settled, the medicine truly began. I felt relaxed and blissful. First, the psilocybin showed me "the pretty lights" and the mycelium network. This network revealed the deep interconnection between plant medicines, especially psilocybin and ayahuasca. Love and joy flooded my body.

Once I felt safe with the medicine, I began to process my inner world. One by one, I faced the pains, betrayals, losses, disappointments, and emotional traumas. It felt incredible to be in a state of total love while exploring my inner workings. Everything was held in love—even the purge and my sometimes-irrational anxiety. I experienced deep compassion and grace for my life. The forgiveness was endless and total.

So many times in my life, I have abandoned myself for others. I have acquiesced my power. I have stayed silent. With the MDMA and the microdose of psilocybin, I was able to witness myself with objectivity and forgiveness. This guided psychedelic therapy experience allowed me to reinhabit my body and emotions in a way that felt safe and profound.

When the medicine wore off, I felt renewed and spent. I was still in the medicine, but lucid. When my ride picked me up, the drive home was magical (and if you know anything about Austin traffic, that’s saying something).

I spent the evening on my deck, staring at my pecan tree, processing, relaxing, and giving thanks for the gift I had received.

I was one of the lucky ones—the transition back into my body over the next few days was smooth. No side effects. A week later, in my integration session, I announced: this medicine is exactly what people need to help process life events and release emotional trauma.

That journey marked a turning point—not just in my healing, but in my calling. Six months later, I began formal studies in psychedelic-assisted therapy. The MDMA and psilocybin didn’t just help me process the past—they helped me claim the future.